OMG. Made my day.
ooh, this is fun.
The Discerning Gentleman’s Guide to Suit Tailoring. To really amp the style literacy, verse yourself in Harris Tweed, “the greatest cloth of all.”
That moment when you realize that you have 8 weddings to attend in the next six months, and you’re in most of them. Breathe. Being in someone’s wedding is an honor and a curse, let’s be honest. You are so thankful that someone loves and trusts you enough to be a huge part of your big day, but then also, you have to buy a really overpriced dress, do that girly high pitched voice when talking about flower arrangements, say things like “that’s so chic”, and attend a lot of potentially coma-inducing pre-wedding events.I have been super lucky to have been in some great weddings lately, where the bride has actually made being a bridesmaid, an honor, not a curse. Praise jeebus.
NOTE: If you get asked to be in a wedding, and you accept, you are required to be awesome. Here are some reminders of how not to be the total blowhole of the wedding partay.
-Realize, this is not your wedding. I understand you have been planning YOUR big day since you high-fived the doctor on your way out of your ma’s uterus. Thoughts of mason jars chock full of wildflowers adjacent to mini sliders topped with personalized pennant flags were the first thing on your mind as you started dating your boyfriend…I get it. BUT, this is not your wedding, and for you married ladies, this is not your chance to go back and get a do-over. Remind yourself that what the bride wants, is what she wants…and it’s not your job to change her mind. Unless she’s suggesting matching crocs for the bridal party. Then, I fully support Operation Quit The Wedding. All that to say, unless cutie bride ASKS for your opinion…keep your big J. Crew-loving mouth, shut.
-Ask what she needs, don’t assume. Chances are the bride knows you pretty well. She probably knows your strengths, weaknesses, and where you annoy her the most…so ask her what she wants help on, rather than getting all up in her grill. Different b-maids can be really good at specific things, so let her tell you what things she’d like you to be involved in. Example, I am an anal-retentive planner without a penchant for cooking…so instead of baking 10 lemon tarts for a bridal shower, I will be in charge of cocktails and taking minutes at bridal party meetings. Excel documents and vodka…these are things I understand.
-Stop suggesting ugly things. You are trying to help, which is awesome…but if the rest of the gals just keep saying things you are suggesting are “cute” but then shoot each-other severe non-verbal cues silently saying “that’s fucking awful”, you should maybe just let them do the picking. Don’t get butt-hurt, when it’s time for you to waltz down the aisle, you can make them wear all the fuchsia taffeta that your cold little heart desires. It’ll be YOUR day big girl, vengeance is yours.
-Plan WAY far in advance. Make sure the MOH coordinates the bridal party on an email and start putting some dates in the old calendario. Getting 7 gals and one busy bride on the same schedule is a pain in the ass, but the earlier you can settle on key dates, the better. Get those outta the way, and THEN figure out how many penis hats you need to order for the bachelorette party.
-Every wedding-centric event doesn’t have to be tacky, know this (I’m looking at you Bachelorette Party Planner). Speaking of penis hats…don’t do it. Just…don’t. Let’s clarify, this is not a moral issue for me. Having a male’s anatomy taped on my forehead just doesn’t make me feel pretty or awesome, ya know? It’s not even THAT embarrassing. I understand that it’s the last “wild night out” for our bride of choice, but we’ve all had some crazy times that didn’t involved putting D+B in my ears or ingesting baked confections in the shape of my future husband’s junk. Also, any bar you go to, you WILL be the group of people that are killing the buzz of every other patron. I’m no good at math but there’s an equation in here somewhere.
ALCOHOL+PENIS SHAPED PARAPHENALIA+TOO MUCH EXPECTATION=HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING AND ANNOYING THE WHOLE WORLD
I’m sure there are like 9283896573 other things to say about this…I just might offend a lot more people.
Three Cheers for Wedded Bliss,
I did always love Pacey. I’m glad someone else has an appreciation for Joshua Jackson.
Here’s a picture you never knew you needed to see — Joshua Jackson holding January Jones’s baby, Xander Dane Jones, in a pool. (That’s January in the hat and the frown.) I just have so many questions about this situation.
How are Joshua Jackson and January Jones friends?
Why don’t Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger have their own babies yet? I mean, look at that. It’s an awkward angle, and it’s still the best thing I’ve seen all week.
Most importantly, can we all now agree that Katie Holmes is the dumbest person on this or any continent? In another universe, that guy could’ve been my dad.
I hate everything.
I like how I could think of examples of people at recent weddings for every single one of these!!
My refrigerator no longer looks like a food-containing appliance, but rather, a save the date graveyard…chock full of your smiling/dramatic/lovey letter pressed selves.
Since you are all paying lots of money for me to come and eat over-priced food and drink your open bar dry…I feel like I need to remind myself how to be a good wedding guest. Mostly so I continue to get invited to your blooming nuptials, to ensure that my future of free risotto balls is secure.
4 Ways to Be A Better Wedding Guest:
-Keep All Clothes On: I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this…but I actually can’t remember a wedding I’ve been to, where someone hasn’t done something weird as shit, and inevitably takes their suit/dress/dyed shoes off. Mostly the shoes thing, but I’ve witnessed a few shirtless interactions as well. People, this is not the 1992 Middleton High School Prom, nor is this a Nascar after party. Keep your shit together. Girls, if you are wearing painful shoes, and you really want to get low, for God’s sake, bring a pair of flats. No one wants to see your HEB feet running through the halls of a chiffon-covered convention center at 1AM.
-Be Cool: Do not stalk the cater waiters, asking when more mini-ceviche bowls are coming out of the kitchen. Do not ask the bartenders for 37 Patron shots, your friends, the bride and groom have to pay up for your habits. Do not make out with the Mother of the Bride, yes she’s hot and newly divorced, still…NO. Do not stuff appetizers in your small evening bag that’s shaped like a shell, so you can have insta-late night food. Do not do the worm (EVER).
-Send Your Gift Via Post: You have a year to send a wedding present according the Emily Post, after attending a wedding. Do the bride and groom a favor and send that shit via the USPS. Don’t bring the gift to the wedding because all you’re doing is torturing some poor bridesmaid, who has to cart that shit back. After all, the poor girl just needs a cocktail, k?
-Don’t Be an Attention Whore: I understand weddings are like…YOUR FAVORITE THING EVER..but guess what? This is actually not just a party for you. This is someone’s wedding day, and you licking the parquet floor while doing a choreographed dance by yourself, isn’t helping matters. Save the over-the-top behavior for the after party or your 30th birthday, and remember…no one’s grandmother wants to watch you grind with the MC.
Cheers to Lots More Wedded Bliss!
She did it! She finally did it! Lindsay Lohan made the best decision of her entire life and went back to red. AMEN!
Side note, I’m terrible at the photo-a-day project. Or anything-a-day for that matter.
Also, it’s now one week until Med School Match Day and we officially find out where we’ll be for the next four years. I’m kind of freaking out. Happy Friday!
Day 6: 5pm. Nothing is better than when it creeps slowly closer to spring and 5pm gets brighter each day.
Ditto to all. And I’m exhausted. Cheers to a fabulous wedding and two amazing people!
There is so much to catch up on today, but I am so happy to have been in Austin this past weekend to be there when one of my favorite people married a truly wonderful guy. (Seriously, his speech to his almost-wife at the rehearsal dinner had everyone in tears it was so incredible and heartfelt.)
My phone died this weekend but luckily Ashley was able to send me this great shot of Elizabeth while we were all getting ready in the bridal suite before the wedding began. She looked absolutely beautiful.
I’m so happy for my friends! Now on to the next wedding… I’ll be back in Austin for Kaci’s nuptials in just 33 days!